Had one of the best sexual experiences of my life Last Night Unspoken Truths

 I've been out and on hormones for a little over nineteen years. I've just had to come to terms with the fact that I'm hopelessly attracted to men, and men exclusively. I've been on the hookup apps basically throughout my entire transition, and I've had to learn the hard way that a lot of dudes are just not interested in my pleasure. Sometimes they're not even necessarily chasers or "bad guys," so to speak; they are just inexperienced and were never expected to learn how to please a woman, much less a woman with a penis. 

I do have to take some responsibility here; I am shy in bed and I get uncomfortable giving direction, but on the few occasions I have worked up the courage to tell someone I wasn't totally enjoying what they were doing and tried to suggest to them how to do things differently, they sort of always just get insecure about it and it just kills the mood. Essentially, until last night, I had resigned myself to the idea that I was mainly going to be responsible for getting myself off for the rest of my life and that sex with men was always going to be more about experiencing some physical touch and getting some validation, as opposed to any absolute, consistent sexual pleasure.

Last night, though, a friend from college who lives a couple of hours away happened to be in my city and asked if I wanted to get a drink. I didn't think much of it; we have a lot of mutual friends and see each other fairly often in group settings, and while we have definitely flirted verrrry lightly and playfully in the past, he has had a girlfriend the entire time I've known him, so I figured he was hitting me up to say hi. Anyway, we meet up, and it turns out he and his girlfriend have been amicably broken up for a few months. The tone of the evening shifts, we're being pretty touchy with each other, and I invite him to come back to my place. I put on some music, we smoke a joint, and end up making out on my couch.

In the few years I've known this guy, I've always thought he was cute and charming in a sort of nerdy way (he works with computers and plays a lot of video games), but I didn't think he was, like, an olympian in the bedroom. So, without getting too into the graphic details, I was pretty blown away when he spent literally like 3 hours pleasuring me every way he could imagine. He was utterly unfazed by the change in equipment (in his words "I've never sucked a dick before but yours is so pretty and I wanna make you feel good. Is that weird to say?") and just committed to using his hands and mouth in every way to find erogenous zones on and around my junk that I didn't even know I had.

I think I've become so accustomed to anal sex being the goal of most of my sexual interactions, because it's the only way I can really experience penetration and feel like "the girl" in bed. But anal didn't even come up at all last night; we found other ways to simulate penetrative sex, and, I don't know how else to describe it, the way this guy touched me and went down on me, it made me feel like I had a pussy instead of a dick. I thought I was non-op, but I have never wanted a vagina as severely as I did last night. I thought the only way a guy could make me orgasm was if I jerked myself off while bottoming, and this dude managed to bring me there like 4 or 5 times without going anywhere near my ass. 

All the while, we were cracking jokes and laughing with each other, pausing occasionally to cuddle, chat, and share a kiss. Every single step of the way, he checked in to ensure I was comfortable and enjoying myself.

I'm managing my expectations since he is somewhat fresh out of a relationship, but I can't help but feel a little smitten. My friend spoiled me rotten in bed last night, and we've been texting all day about when we'll meet up again. I'm not sure if it's going anywhere, but at this point, I don't really care. I'm incredibly grateful to have had that experience, and I look forward to doing it again. The bar has been permanently raised for me, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Being a trans woman has not doomed me to a life of unsatisfying sex; the trick is just to hook up with guys who actually care to make you feel good. It's a rare find, but I found one, and I can't wait to go back for more. Thanks, all, for reading